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07/23/09--08:52: nostalgia (chan 2754201)

the word just keeps popin and popin


07/23/09--09:16: a new reality... my new reality (chan 2754201)

I never imagined and mom never told me, nor anyone, that there would be days like these.

I WAS craving for complete freedom when I was with them, now, I got what I've been wishing for; but I just can't completely understand why... why in the world am I feeling like I wanna go home, as in physically and emotionally home, I had enough of what freedom had to give to the point that i can give it my own definition.

COLLEGE, I never really imagined, nor I even dared to, that I would be where I am today-on my dream pre-med, in a university that has established its mark on the medical courses for 400 years nearing, on my own apartment living literally alone and somewhat independent, yes I know I still depend on my parents but now? on a different and limited type of dependence, now? I only financially depend on them =( they're not with me physically and emotionally. Nobody's here to correct my mistakes, only me, nobody's here to do the chores, only myself, nobody's here to talk to tuck me goodn...


07/23/09--09:29: read me out (chan 2754201)

Today I just feel so happy, but? I just don't know..maybe I'm just happy because at least, I have my friends to share somethings in my overly dramatic life. haha!

They know me, yes, but I think I still don't know who I really am from where I'm standing. Yea, I maybe the John Mark Villena from Lyceum of Aparri Hs, the Batch Valedictorian, the Impromptu Champion, the Best Debater, the Spoiled Unico Hijo, the Best friend. But behind all these, Im just M-E,  the person hiding behind so many masks, like you, afraid of rejection.

Well, hmm..

Im really not in the perfect mood to share things on my blog right now..

so, till here

muuuaahh!




07/26/09--09:34: yay wlam pasok! haha..gudam po (chan 2754201)




07/26/09--09:38: Prelims!!! (chan 2754201)




07/26/09--09:40: stars dreams and pain.. (chan 2754201)

College? For me is jUST a dream, a very distant dream.. That I'm just sleeping and seeing all that is right now as merely a vision in my slumber. That someday, I would wake up once more in one  sunny morning and go to school in my HIGH SCHOOL UNIFORM, and that everything will be the same again.

=(

Then reality slaps me cold in the face and wakes me up. "ASA KA PA!! Haha"

I hold my thoughts as I look out into the open sky and silently whisper;

"sometimes i wish the past would still be, but like most wishes i know they're just fit to be whispered to the stars"




07/26/09--10:44: hear me out (chan 2754201)




07/30/09--08:29: UST Welcomne Walk 2009; BIOCHEM! (chan 2754201)




07/30/09--13:46: Buhay USTe (chan 2754201)




08/13/09--18:11: cry cry don't lie!! (chan 2754201)

Here I go again with the "im sick and tired" cry baby comments on college but hey.. To clear things out.. IM SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED!!

Maybe it's time to let go of the paradigm  I decline to let go of. Maybe it's now that I stop holding on to the junctures in memory lane which I expect to travel back to my reality.Maybe, just maybe It is time now to cope and accept the inevitable fact that I am living a new life, that it is time to fully embrace the pain of letting things go and live the life I have right now, to stop imagining, hoping and wishing for that one sweet day to come that I will be in my past once more.

Everything's changed so fast and sometimes I think I already adjusted myself to my new status quo but then reality just slaps my face with visions of the past that would make me REALIZE THAT I AM STILL HOLDING ON TO MY WISH OF A REWIND!! I can't fully comprehend what I am supposed to. And a sad fact lingers that I AM A COWARD!! A little boy afraid growing u...


08/15/09--17:46: my friendster account.. =) (chan 2754201)




08/23/09--18:54: Gone with the wind.. (chan 2754201)

Often I wander wondering why so many things just deem to be so challenging. Sometimes you even question if they really are a part of reality, yes, I agree that acceptance could clear the way for most of us but maybe I'm not a part of that of that majority. I just can't seem to fully comprehend the reasons why they need to happen, I know I don't have any right to question Divine Decisions but I can't help but ask..

Acceptance right? We just have to accept that they truly are,
Gone with the wind



08/31/09--02:34: One of the best poems for me.. =) (chan 2754201)

The Guy in the Glass

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934




When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

 

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Whose judgment upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

 

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

 

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

 

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.